The Better Half
by amiwakawaiidesu
Summary: Tsutomu feels despair after being freed from Birdy


The Better Half

by amiwakawaiidesu

(based on characters and situations from "Birdy the Mighty", created by Masami Yuuki.)

With a laboring groan, Gomez struggled to push himself upright but collapsed onto his face in front of Birdy.

"Idiots!" Christella Revi spat at her legion of Arkezoids. "Kill her!"

But none of the Arkezoids moved, for a superior force--stronger even than the will of Revi--had taken hold of them. Revi stared at them furiously, but in the back of her mind she knew what was coming: from thin air, three huge hulking men in oversized business suits and sunglasses-- outwardly identical to Gomez--materialized around Revi and immobilized her with the same force they had exerted over the Arkezoids.

"Christella Revi," said the lead Gomez, "you have been found wanting. You will now face your punishment."

"Wait just a minute!" Birdy exploded, pointing a finger at Revi. "Revi is mine!"

"Revi will receive her justice," the Gomez replied, "have no fear, Officer Birdy. But this is no longer your concern."

Birdy started to protest, but just as swiftly as the Gomezes arrived they departed, taking their fallen comrade, a chastened Christella Revi and the immobilized Arkezoids with them.

_"Is that it?"_ thought Senkawa Tsutomu, inside Birdy's head. _"Did we win?"_

**_Yes, we won,_** Birdy thought back, looking around at the empty warehouse where the final battle had been fought.

_"You sound disappointed."_

**_I wanted to take Revi into custody myself,_** Birdy replied, **_but I should have known she was too big a fish for me..._**

**_But she'll get what's coming to her. And now I can finally give you your body back._**

_"Is that really possible after all this time? I was just getting used to living like this..."_

Birdy smiled slightly.

**_Yes, I know what you mean; you were a good partner. Hell, I never would have beat Salamander and Gomez if you hadn't calmed me down and made me focus. But I can't keep you inside me forever; I have to let you go so you can have your old life back._**

_"I'll miss you, Birdy."_

**_I'll miss you too, Tsutomu. But come on, let's get this over with; the longer we wait, the harder it will be..._**

# # # # #

Somehow, Senkawa Tsutomu had kept the secret of his dual identity from almost everyone he knew for more than six months--ever since that fateful winter night when Birdy had accidentally blasted him with her Hyper Resolve, and was forced to absorb his mind and cellular structure into her own to preserve his life. Only Hiyamiya Natsumi--Tsutomu's girlfriend--knew the secret, or had any idea what Tsutomu endured as Birdy's involuntary partner in her fight against Christella Revi.

Natsumi had only the vaguest notion of what this fight entailed, for Tsutomu never spoke of it in detail; lately, though, Natsumi knew the fight must be growing to a climax because Tsutomu was increasingly frazzled every day at school. Luckily for Birdy, the climax of the battle coincided with Tsutomu's summer break, but it was a torment for Natsumi to go without seeing Tsutomu every day when she knew he must be in dire peril. Tsutomu avoided Natsumi's calls and dodged her on the street whenever they chanced to meet, and Natsumi wondered if Tsutomu now hated her.

Then suddenly one Sunday night--a week into the summer break in late July--Tsutomu called Natsumi and asked her to meet him at Kita-Shinagawa Station, not far from her apartment. He didn't say why, but Natsumi could hear the exhaustion in his voice; Natsumi ran to the station at once and found Tsutomu slumped on a bench in a corner of the station.

"Tsutomu!" Natsumi cried, rushing to embrace her boyfriend. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm all right," Tsutomu said, managing a weak smile. "I was just wondering if you could give me a hand getting home."

"What's the matter? Are you hurt? Has something happened to Birdy...?"

"Birdy is gone," Tsutomu replied. "I'm alone again..."

Natsumi gasped.

"...but the procedure took a lot out of me, so Birdy suggested I should ask someone to help me get home..."

For a moment, Natsumi was overcome by conflicting emotions; Tsutomu had told her precious little about his life and avoided her assiduously ever since school got out. But Tsutomu clearly trusted her even more than his own family; after all, if he trusted his own family, wouldn't he have called them instead of her?

"Come on," Natsumi said, draping one of Tsutomu's arms over her shoulder and hauling him upright; "let's get you home to bed, and we can talk more later."

# # # # #

Tsutomu woke up gasping for breath and covered with sweat, tearing himself out of a nightmare where he was drowning in black water, plunging into the deep like a man with an anchor tied around his legs...

It was the separation all over again.

Birdy had said very little about the process before it happened; she simply returned to her spaceship in the junkyard in Shinagawa, then activated a powerful teleport beam that hurled her body far across the galaxy to the headquarters of the Space Federation. There Tsutomu (looking through the eyes of Birdy) finally met Birdy's commander--Megius--in person, and was proud of himself for not freaking out at the sight of the giant insectoid. Megius thanked Tsutomu for his brave service on behalf of the Space Federation, and also expressed hope that Earth itself would soon be invited to join the Federation.

Birdy morphed into Tsutomu's form in order to allow Tsutomu to respond, but Tsutomu was too nervous (at his proximity to a giant insect) and worried (about the coming separation procedure) to make a coherent response. Nor was Tsutomu any less nervous and worried when Birdy morphed back into her own form; Birdy didn't have the medical expertise to explain the coming procedure to Tsutomu in any detail, so Tsutomu still didn't know exactly what to expect when Federation doctors led Birdy into an immersion chamber full of black liquid. Tsutomu panicked instinctively as the fluid filled Birdy's nose and mouth and entered her lungs, but after a moment--as a soporific restfulness washed over Tsutomu--he realized Birdy was still capable of breathing somehow. Then he felt himself falling, as his new body materialized inside the tank and separated from Birdy's...

Afterward, Tsutomu recalled a feeling of utter emptiness as he lay on a recovery table in his old clothes. A doctor told him things in his native Japanese--that he would be weak for a while, and that he would be teleported to the Kita-Shinagawa Station as previously arranged--but Tsutomu was more concerned about Birdy than anything else: was she all right? Would she be able to go back to work with the Federation Police?

The doctor was evasive on that point; he said that Birdy wouldn't be fully-recovered for some time, but Tsutomu wasn't afforded an opportunity to see Birdy for himself. Nor did Tsutomu have the strength to press for an explanation; he drifted in and out of consciousness several times, and the next he knew he was on a train station bench in Tokyo...

_How did I get here?_ Tsutomu wondered. _I must have called Natsumi, but how did I get up to my bedroom...? _

A voice from the bedroom doorway brought Tsutomu back to himself.

"Tsutomu," said Tsutomu's mother, "are you all right?"

Tsutomu didn't honestly know the answer to that, so he merely lay there as his mother moved to his side in the darkness.

"I heard you moaning," Mrs. Senkawa said, putting her hand on Tsutomu's forehead. "Are you sick...?"

"I don't know," Tsutomu said. "I feel weak..."

Mrs. Senkawa looked at Tsutomu with concern, appearing to hesitate before speaking again.

"Tsutomu, Hiyamiya-san said you called her from the train station, and she helped bring you back here...

"What were you doing at the train station? And where have you been recently at night? You've been acting very strange lately, and your sister isn't the only one who thinks so..."

Almost as a reflex, Tsutomu searched for Birdy inside himself to ask her to help explain his nocturnal wanderings--but Birdy wasn't there.

"I..."

Tsutomu paused.

"Actually, I don't know what I was doing there. But I think I'll be better now. You should stop worrying about me."

Mrs. Senkawa looked at her son dubiously, aware that her husband and daughter Hazumi were now peering into the room as well from the doorway.

"All right," Mrs. Senkawa said, rising back to her feet and giving Tsutomu a kiss on the forehead. "Just try to rest now."

Tsutomu's mother then withdrew from the room, pushing her husband and daughter before her. Even after Mrs. Senkawa closed the door, though, Tsutomu could hear his family talking in the hallway.

"I told you he was crazy," Hazumi said. "First stealing my clothes, and now this? The boy needs psychiatric help!"

"Hush now, Hazumi!" Mrs. Senkawa said; "he's just a little exhausted, that's all."

"Exhausted from what?" Hazumi asked. "I'm telling you, he needs professional help...!"

But Mrs. Senkawa didn't respond to that--at least in any way that Tsutomu could hear.

# # # # #

In the coming days, Tsutomu felt his strength returning and endeavored to act as normal as possible--if only to stay away from a visit to a psychiatrist. Since school would be out for another three weeks, Tsutomu avoided seeing his male friends (whose obsession with pornography had made Tsutomu uncomfortable when Birdy was inside him), but did try to make up with Natsumi by spending some quality time with her.

At first this went well; for all her amazing patience, Natsumi was still somewhat jealous of Birdy and doted on Tsutomu now that he was finally himself and just himself. Because of his lingering fatigue after the separation, Tsutomu didn't have the energy to do anything too energetic, but he could still sit in the park and hold hands with Natsumi, or let her feed him from a homemade bento.

However, Tsutomu was not himself and he knew it; for a while he thought he was merely exhausted and assumed that his old feelings for Natsumi would return once he had more energy. But even when his energy returned, he found it difficult to have enthusiasm for much of anything; Natsumi tried to engage his enthusiasm one Sunday afternoon as they ate lunch at the local Denny's, but she found it a frustrating experience.

"Would you like to go over to Odaiba with me, Tsutomu?"

"No, not really..."

"How about the My City mall, then? Or Tokyo Tower...?"

"Do we have to...?"

"Well, what would you like to do? Would you like me to take off my top and dance around the restaurant naked?"

"No, that's all right."

Natsumi fumed, lowering her voice to an urgent whisper.

"Tsutomu, it's been two weeks now; do you think you might need professional help...?"

This at last got Tsutomu's attention and he reacted defensively.

"Natsumi, I am not mentally ill!"

Then his eyes narrowed.

"You've been talking to my family, haven't you?"

Natsumi averted her eyes, for Mrs. Senkawa had indeed spoken to Natsumi at some length; but now she was more concerned with the stares they were getting from other customers as Tsutomu's raised his voice.

"Tsutomu, keep it down! People will hear!"

Scowling, Tsutomu stood up from the table angrily. He did pause long enough to reach into his pocket, though, and throw the money in his pocket at Natsumi.

"Thanks for lunch, bitch. Now stay the hell away from me!"

Then Tsutomu stormed out of the restaurant. He knew he'd left Natsumi shocked, crying and embarrassed, but he couldn't care less about that at the moment.

# # # # #

Tsutomu didn't go home that night; instead he spent the night in a nearby park, and might have slept there as well had a police officer not moved him along. Instead he slept in a nearby drainage canal, unwilling to face his family after the way he'd treated Natsumi.

_I'm sure a sorry sight, _Tsutomu thought the next morning, when he availed himself of a public lavatory to clean himself up._ Maybe it's a good thing Birdy can't see me like this..._

Good luck seemed to smile on Tsutomu after that; while he was back in the park wondering where to go, his friend Kenji happened to pass by and--after Tsutomu explained his trouble with Natsumi and his family--Kenji invited Tsutomu to come over and stay at his house. Kenji's parents were out of town for several days, so Tsutomu could even spend the night if he wanted.

"You're a real lifesaver," Tsutomu said. "I don't know if I'm ready to go back to my own house yet..."

"What are friends for?" Kenji replied, wrapping an arm around Tsutomu's shoulders and pushing his glasses up on his nose.

In the event, though, Tsutomu was soon uncomfortable with his ecchi friend. Tsutomu already knew that Kenji's mind was in the gutter most of the time, but he was definitely uncomfortable when Kenji treated Tsutomu to a showing of some of his favorite tentacular anime...

"What's the matter?" Kenji said to Tsutomu. "You look a bit sick..."

"I'm sorry," Tsutomu said, heading quickly for the door, "I've got to go..."

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know...I just have to go! Sumimasen!"

Leaving a puzzled Kenji behind, Tsutomu then ran outside and down a busy street, bumping into pedestrians as he went. Perhaps he was crazy, but he couldn't help but think of Birdy whenever he saw things like that, and that wasn't how he wanted to think of Birdy.

_What difference does it make? _Tsutomu thought, when he finally came to a stop behind a warehouse, in an alley filled with newspapers that smelled strongly of urine._ Nothing matters anymore anyway..._

Tsutomu fell back against the warehouse wall, then slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground.

_If only Birdy were here..._

_But what am I saying? Birdy always said I was weak and clumsy and stupid, and she wouldn't even talk to me when I left her headquarters...!_

_She's probably glad to be rid of me, and how can I blame her?_

Tsutomu sat there a long time before an ill-formed thought finally became concrete in his mind. It was time to bring this sad charade of a life to an end.

# # # # #

Well after midnight, Tsutomu was standing in the middle of the Rainbow Bridge in eastern Minato-ku, looking at the black water 50 meters below without really seeing it. A protective metal barrier stood between pedestrians and the side of the bridge--keeping anyone from falling over accidentally--but a determinded person could climb over the top of the barrier if he wanted to.

Even now, Tsutomu wasn't sure this was what he really wanted to do; it was just that he couldn't find happiness or purpose in anything he did. How could anyone endure that?

_I might as well get this over with,_ Tsutomu thought, approaching a service ladder leading up toward the top of the barrier, _while I still have my nerve..._

"Senkawa-san," a familiar man's voice said, "you're not thinking of climbing up there, are you?"

Tsutomu jumped with panic; he was positive he was alone a moment ago! Yet that voice was familiar, and when he turned around, he found himself facing...

...someone completely unfamiliar. He looked like a peculiar fellow with an odd complexion and strangely waxy hair--perhaps a foreign tourist--yet he spoke Japanese fluently, and his accent was definitely familiar.

"Do I...know you?" Tsutomu asked.

"You could say that," the man replied. "My name is Commander Megius, of the Space Federation."

Tsutomu looked at the man with disbelief.

"I thought you were a bug."

"This is a disguise," Megius replied; "I understand my natural appearance might be frightening to humans. But I wonder if we could go somewhere to talk; it concerns Birdy."

"Birdy--? Is she all right...?"

Megius looked around warily, obviously reluctant to speak openly in such a public place. Realizing that, Tsutomu encouraged Commander Megius to follow him down the stairs to a park in Odaiba on the eastern side of the bridge.

"I'm afraid Birdy is not all right," Megius confided to Tsutomu. "She is not well, and I fear it's because of you."

"Me?" Tsutomu replied. "What did I do?"

"It isn't anything you did, Senkawa-san; perhaps I could have expressed that better. Birdy is dying, and we believe it's because of the separation."

Tsutomu gasped, as Megius continued.

"You see, absorbtion of another being is a drastic measure--a measure usually undertaken only in an emergency, and usually only for a short time. But circumstances required you to share a body with Birdy for more than six months, and your brainwaves and chi energy have become synchronized to an extraordinary degree. Birdy tried to return to her duties without you, but she collapsed almost as soon as she reported for duty...

"As strong as Birdy is, I'm afraid she can't survive without you."

Tsutomu was stunned beyond belief, and staggered to a light pole to support himself.

"She never told me," Tsutomu said. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"Birdy knew there was some danger to herself," Megius said, "but she wanted you to be free. Indeed, Birdy did not want me to come here and tell you this, but perhaps it's a good thing I did."

Tsutomu nodded, recalling how Megius had found him on the bridge.

"I am an officer of the Space Federation," Megius said, "but I am not here in that official capacity. Rather, I am here as a friend of Birdy. As a friend of Birdy, I beg you to consider joining Birdy again."

"Is that possible?" Tsutomu asked.

"You would have to share one body again," Megius said. "I know it would be a great sacrifice, and we have already asked far more from you than it was our right to ask. But I implore you..."

Megius dropped to his knees and bowed low in a quintessentially Japanese gesture.

"...please consider what I ask."

Tsutomu lifted an eyebrow, realizing--curiously--that this was the first time he'd felt really alive for weeks now.

_Is this why I've been so depressed all this time? _he thought._ Because I've been missing Birdy...?_

It was something he did not want to confront directly even now--the subject of what he actually felt for Birdy. Was it love? No...it wasn't love exactly; saying that he loved Birdy was like saying that he loved his head, or his heart. She was part of his very being, more so than any human being could be a part of another human being. A rash act of violence had brought them together, but perhaps it was always meant to be...

Tsutomu sighed, then responded to Commander Megius.

"Please stand up, Commander Megius," Tsutomu said; "I will do what you ask."

Megius lifted up onto his hands and knees, looking obviously relieved. He was so relieved, in fact, that he accidentally morphed back into his natural insectoid form.

"YAH!" Tsutomu yelped, jumping backward.

"Senkawa-san," Megius said, "are you all right?"

"Sorry," Tsutomu replied--clutching his chest as his heart beat trip-hammer fast; "I guess I'm not as used to you as I thought."

# # # # #

"Where could he be?" Mrs. Senkawa asked. "Natsumi, are you sure he didn't say where he was going...?"

"Dear," Mr. Senkawa said, "you've asked Natsumi that a dozen times now. She said she doesn't know."

Mrs. Senkawa looked at Natsumi, and both Mrs. Senkawa and Natsumi looked away from each other guiltily. The police had long ago been called, but still Tsutomu was nowhere to be found. Three days had come and gone now, and it was obvious he was not coming back any time soon--if ever.

"I'm sorry, Senkawa-san," Natsumi said to Mrs. Senkawa; "I was trying to make him feel better; I didn't realize he'd take it so badly..."

"It's not your fault, Hiyamiya-san," Mr. Senkawa said, trying to comfort Natsumi. "I'm sure you did the best you could. You're not to blame for any of this."

"Who is to blame, then?" Natsumi asked, turning an eye toward Hazumi where she lurked in a corner of the Senkawa dining room.

"Are you suggesting I'm to blame?" Hazumi asked.

"Well, you did say that he needed a psychiatrist; how did you think he would react?"

"Well, maybe if my parents had called a psychiatrist in the first place, we wouldn't have this problem!"

"Enough!" Mr. Senkawa said. "Hazumi, I will not have you raising your voice to a guest in this house!"

"Oh sure, take her side!" Hazumi said, storming out through the back door and slamming it behind her.

"I'm sorry," Natsumi said to Mr. and Mrs. Senkawa; "I shouldn't be here. My parents will be worried if I'm out too late..."

"Oh, don't go," Mrs. Senkawa said. "I've just put on some tea..."

"Arigatou," Natsumi said politely, "but I really should go; I'm sorry..."

Natsumi then headed for the front of the house, and nearly plowed right into Tsutomu as she opened the front door.

"Tsutomu!"

"Tsutomu...?" Mr. and Mrs. Senkawa repeated, rushing to the door. Even Hazumi--who was actually just outside the back door--heard the commotion and crept back inside.

"Konbanwa, Natsumi-san," Tsutomu said, attempting to bow to Natsumi. However, Natsumi and Mrs. Senkawa rushed forward to embrace him first, before he could bow properly.

"Tsutomu!" Natsumi cried. "Where have you been?"

"We were all so worried about you!" Mrs. Senkawa said.

"Indeed," said Mr. Senkawa, trying not to appear overly-emotional. "Where have you been, young man?"

"That's a long story," Tsutomu said; "you might not believe me..."

"Oh, who cares where he's been?" Mrs. Senkawa said to her husband. "He's back home, and that's all that matters."

Hazumi rolled her eyes.

"Actually, it's pretty important," Tsutomu said. "May I ask you all to sit down for a moment while I tell you?"

Hazumi moved as if to leave.

"Including you, Hazumi-san," Tsutomu added. "You are a part of this family as well."

Hazumi scowled, but was persuaded to wait a moment before running off; A moment later, the Senkawa family and Natsumi congregated in the small living room and sat down around Tsutomu.

"First," Tsutomu said, "I'd like to apologize to you, Natsumi. I was especially rude to you, even though you've always been very kind to me."

"Oh, that's all right," Natsumi said, crying openly. "I know you've been under a lot of stress recently."

"What kind of stress?" Mr. Senkawa asked Tsutomu. "Your mother tells me you've been running around at all hours of the night, and behaving in a most unusual manner. Are you involved in some kind of gang or criminal activity?"

Hazumi twirled her finger next to her ear disdainfully.

"Actually," Tsutomu said, "I've wanted to explain what was happening, but I was obliged to keep it secret from everyone except Natsumi. She only found out accidentally, so there was nothing we could do about that..."

"'We'?" Mrs. Senkawa asked.

"Have you told them, Natsumi?" Tsutomu asked.

Natsumi shook her head.

"Well then, I suppose I should..."

Tsutomu stood up, then morphed into the form of Birdy; where a scruffy-looking 15-year old boy had stood now stood a shapely young woman with long red-and-white hair, and an assymetrically-patterned blue-and-white Space Federation uniform that left little of her form to the imagination.

Mrs. Senkawa shrieked, Hazumi gasped, and even Mr. Senkawa lifted his eyebrows.

"Forgive me for startling you," said Birdy. "My name is Birdy Cephon Altirra, and I am an officer of the Space Federation."

"What have you done with Tsutomu--?!" Mrs. Senkawa exclaimed.

"That was Tsutomu's secret," Birdy replied; "Tsutomu is inside me now, sharing my body and consciousness. This was all my fault: many months ago, I killed Tsutomu accidentally while I was pursuing a criminal here on Earth, and I was obliged to absorb Tsutomu's mind and body into my own to preserve his life. We shared that condition for many months--since I was in the middle of an important investigation and couldn't leave Earth to have the procedure reversed--but I was finally able to give Tsutomu back his own body late last month...

"However, there were complications. Tsutomu and I had shared the same body so long that I could not survive without him. I am stronger than Tsutomu in some ways, but perhaps I am not as strong in this one respect; my soul became bonded to Tsutomu so strongly that I could not exist without him."

Mr. Senkawa looked at Birdy critically--putting aside for the moment any implications this had with respect to the existence of extraterrestrial life, or the fact that his son had been sharing the body of a gorgeous young woman for several months.

"So," he said, "you forced him to join you again, in order to survive?"

"No," Birdy said, with a slight smile. "Actually, I avoided contacting Tsutomu because I wanted him to be able to get on with his own life apart from me. It was my commanding officer who contacted Tsutomu on his own initiative, and asked him to come back to Space Federation headquarters and join me. Even then I resisted, but Tsutomu was most eloquent in his own behalf, and I was moved to agree with him...

"I know that Tsutomu is very important to you all, but the truth is that Tsutomu is very important to me as well. Perhaps it is not love that I feel for Tsutomu..."

Birdy glanced at Natsumi.

"...but it is as Tsutomu told me, when he came to ask me to join him. We are of one mind and one body now, and I could no more wish to be apart from Tsutomu than I could wish to be apart from my arm or my leg--or my head, or my heart. But I do hope you will not judge us too harshly for what we have done."

Birdy then sat down and bowed her head.

"So!" Hazumi suddenly said. "You were the one who took my outfits!"

"Yes," Birdy said. "That was me."

Hazumi was flabbergasted, but also suddenly much calmer.

"You know, you could have just asked to borrow them."

"I'm sorry. But I should like to have no more secrets from your family now. My superiors have approved my permanent assignment to Earth as a resident officer--until such time as a safe way can be found to separate Tsutomu from myself--so Tsutomu should be able to return to school and lead a fairly normal life for the time being. However, it is very important to me that you approve of this first--you and Hazumi--since I have already imposed upon your courtesy more than I should...

"I have no family of my own; my own family was killed when I was very young. However, I should very much like to consider you my mother and father now, if you would have me."

Mr. and Mrs. Senkawa looked at each other, quite at a loss for words.

"Will you look like that all the time?" Mr. Senkawa asked Birdy.

Birdy smiled, and morphed back into Tsutomu.

"No. Just part of the time."

Mrs. Senkawa rushed forward to embrace Tsutomu again.

"Oh, who cares if you have an alien inside you! You're home again, and that's all that matters!"

"Indeed," Mr. Senkawa said. "As long as this doesn't cause trouble with the neighbors, I suppose it will be all right."

Even as he said that, though, a small tear was trickling down his cheek, and he removed his glasses to wipe it away while he didn't think anybody was watching.

"I'll call the police to let them know Tsutomu's back," Natsumi said, letting the family have a moment together. She smiled at Tsutomu, though, and he smiled back even as the rest of his family gathered around him.

_"I guess we're together again," _Tsutomu thought to Birdy.__

**_Well, it is hard to get along without your better half,_**Birdy thought back.__

_"I was just going to say that myself," _Tsutomu replied, grinning inwardly.__

THE END


End file.
